American retail is an incredible thing. Spend 20 minutes or so shopping online for covers and you will be amazed by how many things you can put a cover on. You can buy a cell phone cover – as though you stop using your phone long enough to actually use it. There are pool covers, pool table covers, table coverings, and on and on.

Men are especially attracted to covers. Why is not exactly clear. But we will cover just about anything given the opportunity. Need proof? Check out these five things men cover, and why we actually cover them:

1. Our Heads

It goes without saying that we men cover our heads with considerable regularity. Everywhere you go are men sporting baseball caps and beanies. Among steampunk fans are all flavors of top hats, stovepipe hats, and the like. Businessmen love the Fedora and the flat cap. But why? What is it we are trying to cover?

In a word, nothing. Literally nothing. We men cover our heads to hide the fact that we are short on hair. Of course, some men wear hats outdoors just to keep the sun out of their faces. That’s fine. But if you see a male of the species wearing a hat at any point when the weather is not a factor, he’s hiding something – or the lack thereof.

2. Our Shoes

Some of us men cover our shoes with waterproof shoe covers. You might call them galoshes or overshoes, but they are all the same things. What’s the deal? GC Tech, a Utah company that sells a revolutionary type of shoe cover, explains it’s all about keeping dress shoes looking shiny and new.

You see, we men have trouble walking in wet weather without spotting our shoes. And forget about snow, ice, and road salt. Waterproof shoe covers are a less expensive alternative to replacing our dress shoes once or twice a year.

 3. Our Grills

We men love to cook on the grill. We have no intention of stepping in the kitchen but give us a grill and twenty-eight pounds of meat and we are good for the afternoon. And when all the meat has been cooked and the grill cleaned, we throw the cover on. It’s not clear why we do this given that outdoor grills are intended to be exposed to outdoor conditions. But hey, a nice cover makes the grill look pretty when it’s not being used.

4. Our Cars

The only thing we like more than grilling is tinkering with cars. The older the better. So naturally, any man willing to cover his grill is more than willing to cover his classic Chevy Malibu with the custom paint job. It is just the way these things work.

Covering a car is legit when you are talking about a classic you’re trying to preserve. What does not make sense is when men cover an old, beat-up car that amounts to nothing more than a rust bucket on four wheels. Yet some of us do it. And no, there is no explaining it away.

5. Our Tracks

Finally, we men have made an art form of covering our tracks. It is not necessarily that we are doing something wrong. It’s just that we might be doing something that would require too many answers to too many unnecessary questions. It’s better just to cover our tracks and leave it at that.

From waterproof shoe covers to alibis backed up by our best friends, we men have lots of tools for covering things. No wonder the retail world sells so many covers.